Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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