I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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