he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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