Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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