I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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