Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
