I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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