he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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