When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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