bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
