You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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