Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
