I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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