Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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