Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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