good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
