I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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