This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I know her cup size but not her name....
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
