He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
My liver just had a heart attack.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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