good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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