i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
