he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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