I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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