yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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