Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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