I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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