Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
