So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
