toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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