OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
