i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Come back. Shots need mouths.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
