Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
