That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
