no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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