You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
