I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
