Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
