we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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