Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We don't watch enough power rangers
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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