i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
