Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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