I wish I could punch you in the face.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
