Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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