why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
