what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
it's great music for shaving your balls
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
