if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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