Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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