i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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