Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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