mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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