I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
